2015 ,where did you go?
I cant believe we have almost been living in Cape Town for a year!
Of course i will try to squeeze in my year in one blog post, Now, because in actual fact im supposed to be studying.
Here is part 4 that i never published:
"Part 4: JULY 2105- Things are not going too great.
Moving and unpacking went semi cool. It was a joint effort by us, the in-laws, their gardener, some guys and a truck from my work and Minki as the baby sitter. And rain. By the litres. (There had to be some obstacle in order to make the story fun). But we conquered.
The time had come to get into routine: 5 am wake up, gym, work, kids, study.
UH.
Storm wouldnt sleep, so I couldnt rest, so I couldnt get up at 5am , so I was too tired for gym, so I sat in traffic because I couldnt leave at 6am even if I missed gym already, so I used all my energy to drive the 200km plus per day and see 10 customers every day, and so I couldnt study because I wanted to sleep at 7pm. Vicious damn circle. The real concern, still to me, was Loedi. I so so badly wanted to break away with him. Just him and me. He was now touring with Bloodbrothers and Taxi violence. At night he had to practice with them too, or basically baby sit for me. I just did not have the energy to stay awake.
Then came the big news: I had to get a hysterectomy. Sooner the better, because once Storm crawls its game over.
Why? Well I had endometrioses and growths and my womb was also upside down since birth- so I had worse pain and periods than normal ladies. The fact that Hunter and Storm were born was a miracle in itself. The endometrioses would be cut out yearly, but they would come back. Also- there was no telling when these growths could potentially turn into cancer.
The operation was on Monday the 20th of July.
I remember waking up to the worst pain humanly possible. I was shaking and screaming for them to make it stop but all they could do was try to comfort me. I was hooked on to a morphine pump, that you operate yourself. You press a button and morphine gets released into your bloodstream via IV.
You could do that every 5 minutes if you wished.
So here I was pumping the crap out of it, with no real pain relief. It hurt like hell. I swear, if you die and go to hell, that is what you would wake up to.
Eventually, I think the pain got a bit better. I just remember it suddenly being 3 o clock, and Loedi was there and the kids. I couldnt speak because I was so groggy and my voice was hoarse. Then they were gone, and then it was 8am again. Food came and went and I didnt even touch it. I was actually starting to get agitated with myself because the lady next to me, Lynne, who I finally was able to speak to by late Tuesday night was playing cards with her awesome partner Vanessa, who never left her side once, and eating and getting up to shower. And I was there, unable to have any conversation, get up to shower or eat. Food nauseated me. I wanted Loedi, but I knew it would be useless- he was still building a brand new business. Time was money. And I was being a burden just lying there. I spoke to my Father the whole time and it was more than enough for me. Some of my friends kept on trying to visit me and I just said no- thats how hectic it was. But Elana (Afrika), Minki, Lawson- I wont forget how you tried.
The messages I got from everyone (consistently), just lit me up. People who I wasn't even close to ended up messaging me every day (Hestelize,Merlize, Jana- dankie).
That stay in hospital was the biggest learning school of my life.
So on Wednesday morning early, things took a turn for the worst. They took out the morphine IV.
I started withdrawing almost instantly. No longer did the pain on my womb matter- it was the headaches. And the vomiting. I curtained myself off from the rest of the ward (we were 4 girls), and made my space dark. For the rest of the day I just silently sobbed in pain. They couldnt do Anything. Poor Lynne and Vanessa would even call the nurses for me when I couldnt even gather the strength to call. Vanessa gave me Vitamin water which went in and out almost at the same time. Food still came and left untouched. I wanted to die. That was all. Was it so hard to understand?
On Thursday morning I told my gynae that I couldnt leave. He insisted it would be better at home. The kids would have to see me that way.
I did go home at around 11am, and got into bed. The headaches only stopped on Friday morning. Idonette, Minki,Merlize and Karen came during the day, and I remember it being so nice to see their faces.Merlize brought me a hair treatment instead of flowers. So thoughtful.
By Saturday I could eat good and proper without throwing it all up again. My In laws had come over to make a roast.
I was also back to getting up 5 times at night for Storm. Nothing had changed much- except I knew who was important in my life.
I had six weeks of recovery ahead of me. I would write, study and spend time being a good wife.
Nothing worked out that way."
I wasnt even out of hospital for 3 weeks when Storm became very ill. I ended up sleeping next to her on a stretcher in Cape gate medi clinic for 4 days. We really really bonded. Seeing her like that broke my heart.
The staff however, blew me away. The food was amazing too. So it wasnt all that bad, really. Atleast my baby was being treated by the best. 24/7. Minki, once again brought me cake and idonette brought us a walking ring so i could push Stormie around the ward. Of course my in laws also visited with lots of love and support. Small things you know.
When she came out, Loedi refused that she go back to school, because the Adenda virus which she was diagnosed with, was a very contagious nursery school virus. I basically spent the last of my 3 weeks at home tending to myself and to her. I was more tired when i got back to work as before the operation.
Then the studying started- which in turn, turned Hunter into a rebel. Loedi and i were also fighting every day. Something i wasnt used to. Being so tired, so involved with the kids and my degree was starting to show in our marriage. It got so bad that we went to see my mentor/tutor/psychologist who was helping me get through my degree. She helped us put our relationship into perspective. What we also discovered by ourselves , was the fact that we hadnt been including God in our marriage for a while. We were not praying TOGETHER anymore. We were attempting life seperately- but not deliberately. I would be so tired at night, that i would still pass out at 7pm. I would still try to leave home at 5am. He would cook, and i would clean up the kids. I would be in my car all day and arrive home irritable. There was no time for being romantic or loving towards each other. I was getting irritated with his company not growing as fast as we had hoped. I felt as though i was the only one stressing, not knowing at the time, how it was knawing away at his insides.
But we took the first step and started mending our marriage. We set up goals, we made sacrifices, we came to agreements. We opened the door for God to come into our marriage again. And today we are stronger than ever. Really.
October came and exams as well. I wasnt happy with my results, so im writing again next week. This time ill get a distinction, not that i even know what went wrong first time round.
I was really really missing my Oumie in Johannesburg as well- after seeing her every month and her being one of my best friends growing up, not having that type of relationship after that dreadful day in July almost two years ago, still hadnt really sunk in. Independent, fun Oumie, left in the hands of nurses now. Oupie had been gone almost 4 years now, and i was still dreaming about them both in a perfect setting, only waking up sobbing. The good thing that came with Cape Town however was Ouma Anne. My moms mom. She retired when i was already in high school. I never really bonded with her growing up, and they moved to Cape Town when i was 15. Oupa died 3 years ago and my cousin whom she Adored, just before. So here i was in Cape Town, with this perfect opportunity to reconnect. And boy did we reconnect. I actually feel so unbelievably blessed: she connect with the kids, she connects with Loedi. We have meaningful conversations. I once again realised how life can be so un predictable sometimes- win some ,lose some.
Stormie ended up in hospital again too. Once again, we survived.
It was in this time that i started soul searching with regards to my future. I had stopped drinking completely after a incident that left me question who the flip i was, and i had started excersising, once again, like many times before,like a demon- vowing it to be for good forever. I just couldnt fail myself ever again.
My ambition to help others started growing. God spoke to me so clearly.
I signed up for SAYES , a mentoring program where you volunteer to help a youth in a childrens home become independent before leaving the home eventually. Helping them reach their full potential.
My heart wanted to do Iron man so badly. I even organised a new bicycle, a coach- you name it, but the Still voice inside of me said Not now. I cancelled everything.
Then i started having dreams about being a life coach, with seminars, workshops, books, testimonies. Clear visions. His still voice.
I found the perfect course, and for once i really really understood the student protests of wanting Free education.
I was fortunate enough to have always studied with a student loan through my company and i never really felt it come off my salary because ive been studying forever- but Now, now i had to cough up R17 000 for the life coach "4- certificate" qualification to open up my own coaching practice.
The protesting students must be feeling the same. All the passion and willingness...but no way to afford it right now.
So ive given this to God now. There are 6 opportunities to do it this year- and God will come through at the very right time. I will help the millions of women and men who, like me, have dealt with yo yo dieting, emotional eating, procrastination,depression, anger...relationship issues with partners and friends as well as family. If God put me through marital issues last year just to learn what ive learnt, so that i can apply it into practice, i would gladly smile and thank Him. Lets be humorous and thank him that i was fat too. He works in such mysterious ways I tell you!
Meanwhile ill do my very best in the last two modules seperating me and my Psych Hons degree. Ive also added Sport Psychology. I want to get nutrition savvy next, and luckilly ive been learning a Lot about excercising from my different gym instructors that have become such good friends of mine.
I know how flippen hard it is to achieve fitness goals, no Really, and while this 12 week challenge has been going on for almost 3 weeks now, and its already changed my life in more ways than i can explain, ive tried getting fit and fab before, but without any clear goals. Now, i have goals and Mentally im stronger and happier. Physically im faster...and well thinner.
Im so excited and i cant wait to help the world!
Faith, Hope, Love,
xxx
Lee
#I would love to know how long it took you to read this post and if youve enjoyed it in my world:) Please comment back on the facebook page underneath the post:)
Im going to try pursuade loedi to help me with a vlog to document the fitness journey as i enter week 4. Chat soon.
xx
