“God, why don’t you answer my prayers?” You may ask.

 

Quite a few friends in my life have been experiencing pain or hardship lately. Some don’t believe in prayer at all, and some believe in prayer- but the moment they don’t get what they pray for, they give up or give the devil a smile by complaining about it. Basically you can say that they treat God like a slot machine. You win, you’re happy- you lose, you walk away and you give up.

God does not work that way. James 1v 5-8 states: “If you need wisdom ask your generous God to give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, make sure your faith is in Him alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalties is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do”.

What a Powerful verse.

We also have to have a proper relationship with Him, or our response will be blocked. When this is in place, it means you will ask to be forgiven of your sins as it happens. And no sin or guilt will block your awesome relationship with God.  Just the other day, I needed to sell a lot of Nederburg wine for this incentive, so I sat and thought of all my clients who I could ask to buy in large amounts. I only wrote down those whom I had a good relationship with- because I would feel stupid if I asked a client who I never see or never invest time with. It would be like using them, only because I wanted to win the incentive.

1 John 1v9:”But if we confess our sins to Him He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness”.

Isaiah 59 1v1+2: “Listen! The Lord’s arm is not too weak to save you, nor is his ear too deaf to hear you call. It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore.”

It made me think of all the little sins I never repent when I get too pre occupied to nurture my friendship with God.

The Bible emphasises that we will receive if we ask according to the will of God.

James 4 v 3: “And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong- you want only what will give you pleasure”.

1 John 5 v 14-15: “And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know he will give us what we ask for.”

As I’ve mentioned before- God is not a slot machine, just automatically responding to our demands. Sometimes He is busy working in the lives of individuals and His idea of timing may be different from ours.

2 Peter 3v9: “The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed ,but wants everyone to repent.”

“If we are sure that our request is made with a pure heart, in accordance with His will and without doubting Him, we can be sure that the answer is on the way and His timing will be perfect. Remembering too, that sometimes God’s answer to our prayers is not what we expect. SOMETIMES THE ANSWER IS NO. Let God be God.” (Ask Val Joy! October 2012:80)

Just an update.

I thought I would just give a quick update on how I have been this week. I wish I could say “phenomenal” “exciting” or any word that sounds super positive- but I would be lying.

Let’s just say- it has been challenging. It feels like I am being tested every second of every day. I am not saying it’s a bad thing, because I love a good challenge- I would just really like a little break. I must say though, for every bad thing that has happened, a good thing, or let’s call it a Victory, was the end result.

The first thing that got to me was our medical aid. They only paid my specialist 1/3 of the amount claimed. Let’s just say, for that price I could have had an actual baby. Now I don’t even have something to show for it-same for the anaesthesiologist. The bill even said “EMERGENCY PROCEDURE”. Had I not been operated on, I could have died! What is the point of me paying for a good medical aid if they suck when they have to actually pay out? The positive note is, my doctor is awesome. He said we could work out something- be that, him fighting back, or be it, him giving me discount on the remaining outstanding amount. It’s not that we can’t afford it, It’s more an issue of me, paying the medical SO much every month, and  the fact that I refuse to use our hard earned cash or savings (for the future Storm). It’s also Loedi , Carien and Hunters birthday this month and we also want to buy our dream home now! So the timing is just a bit off.

The other thing that got to me was once again employees that work for the government, in this case SANRAL.  Metro traffic, SARS and City Power had already gotten their Noddy badges this year.

My petrol card had expired on 1 October, and on 3 October, without notice from my secretary, I tried going through a toll gate at 7am. Peak traffic time. I had to be at a big roadshow for work at 7:30. This is not the part where I defend myself, because I should not have been driving around without any cash, but yes- the card didn’t work and I had no cash. All the cars started piling up behind me, and there was only 4 working booms. I hooted and pressed the help button. No one came. I got out of my car and walked to the boom next to me. (In the highest shoes in my closet). I then kindly told the lady working in the cubicle to help me. I offered her my debit card, credit card- anything! I asked her if she could just open the boom so I can get out the way so that everyone could stop murdering me with their eyes! Better yet, let me drive 1km further to the off ramp and draw R8! “No”, she says. At that moment I wanted to lose all my inhibitions, self-control and manners and just tell her what I thought of her- but I did the easy thing: I went to my car and burst into tears.  Suddenly God told me to call Janine. The same Janine where we squatted over the weekend when the electricity was off.  She also works with me. Turns out she had also chosen that particular route to work and as I called, she had just driven through the tollgate. I ran to her in my mother wedges, nearly being driven over by a taxi, got the money, through it at the lady- did not even wait for change and sped away. I only regretted my behaviour 5 minutes later when I realised Janine could have taken another route, at an earlier time. God was really looking after me.

Then, at 10 pm last night, after being awake since 3am doing my portfolio, I clicked “Submit”. As I did that, I realised that I had been so pre occupied with the damn portfolio and work and running after the dogs that were gone twice already this week and stressing over the medical aid and and and and- that I had not spent any time with God. As I closed my eyes and started apologising and praising him for all that He has done, I once again realised how unbelievably blessed we are. I can still have another baby, we saw an amazing house we want to put an offer in for (and if they don’t accept, that’s also fine, because we are taking a big chance here J I will reveal this miracle if it comes our way), my husband and his incredible talents are in demand, my daughter has lost her naughty streak in exchange for a much better, sweet-as-sugar streak, and as an added bonus, I was leading the hair extensions competition!

Once again thank you to all 43 friends that have been voting. Also for all the inbox messages after my previous post.  You guys carry me.

Love you to the moon and back.

Lee

MY WEEK…BUT ONLY IF YOURE INTO OVER SHARING…

MY WEEK…BUT ONLY IF YOURE INTO OVER SHARING…

Many have been too scared to ask, and those who have asked, I’ve told- but tonight, as I sit here- feeling so content and ready for the week, I feel the need to share my week.

It will go down as a week to remember.

On the 16^th of June, I had a procedure done, called a laparoscopy- it’s when a gynaecologist goes through your belly button and removes endometriosis. Endometriosis is another word for growths. Cysts.  Whatever.  Point is, if you don’t remove it, you stand the chance of not having babies, or a struggle to have babies.  Also- it’s painful.  My gynae was overseas, so I had another gynae do it for me. I was in and out of theatre in 20 minutes.

Over the weekend of 15,16^th September, I had severe cramps. I was also bleeding a bit… I had a suspicion that I might be pregnant, so I didn’t take Myprodol, but by Monday I was in so much pain,  and needed something strong, so I bought a pregnancy test- knowing it was just too early to test, but still did it.( I needed Myprodol man!!)

Positive.

We were pregnant.

Right there and then I drove to my awesome gynae who delivered Hunter, and his wife insisted I rather see him than just get a script for pain.

He sees me, and what does he see on the scan? Two huge 4cm endiomes on both sides of my ovaries. The other gynae had merely sucked out the growths- he didn’t scoop them out surgically.

Dr van Tonder looked at me with concern. No “ hanky panky”, no driving, strong meds, sick leave. There is a chance of miscarriage- those cysts are just too big and will go away after 12 weeks.

Driving to the gynae  I had this intense need to wait until I showed, or even until I at least knew the gender before I told anyone. (Im  funny like that), but now I didn’t want to tell because I didn’t want to get everyone excited.

I started writing “I love you baby” on my Facebook page, or SVR (Storm van Renen), just because I was so excited. I was only two weeks into it, but already acted like the baby was kicking and moving. I wanted to believe that Storm was going to make it.

The week passed. By the next Tuesday, after being in bed most of the time, the pain was back. Now, even more intense. I drove back to Dr van Tonder after smsing him. He inserted the scanner- and his eyes told me I was in trouble.  He asked me whether we were naughty.  I laughed. Did he know Loedi? When it came to the safety of his children…

Well im bleeding internally. I had a rupture.  The cysts were even bigger.  I suddenly learned a new word “ECTOPIC pregnancy”. Buis swangerskap. And this ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured needed to be removed.  Scraped.  Aborted.  D and C. So many fancy words to just say- the baby had reached the end of its journey.

I stayed calm as I put my clothes back on and waited for my darling husband. Only when I saw him I burst into tears. He just kept rubbing my back hard. I know now he was devastated.

They broke theatre for me, and within an hour I was on the operating table.

He worked on me for an hour or so. Apparently there was a LOT more stuff inside that he didn’t even see on the scan before.

Waking up was horrible. I was in so much pain, and that pain stayed with me for four days.

On Wednesday night I woke up at 2am and just sobbed my heart out. It felt like someone was kicking and poking and delving for diamonds inside my tummy. Loedi woke up, fetched my meds, and just stroked my head until I eventually fell asleep again. He also woke up for Hunter twice. I fell in love with him all over again.

My sister was also awesome. She had even gotten a speed fine for me. It sounds funny, but it actually wasn’t.  She got pulled over, driving the right speed, because she KNEW that they trapped there. The lady approached her and Carien immediately said that she didn’t speed, and that she really had to go because she had to come to the hospital. The lady told her not to be cheeky, and went back to her car. Deliberately sat there for five minutes! By that time carien was traumatised and ready to freak out. The R1000 fine didn’t make it better. Two days later someone jammed her car door lock and ripped out her R2000 car radio.

Also on Wednesday, the electricity went off. Our landlord and Just letting was to blame. We rectified everything on Thursday morning, but no one came to switch it back on. It only got fixed by a friend of ours contact a few hours ago. All the stuff in our fridge has gone off. We had to go to our friends over the weekend to shower, bath and watch rugby…also try and finish my year end portfolio due on Wednesday. All this while trying to come over what had happened to me mentally and physically.

I was just so upset by the bad service and state of our country. The traffic department, the municipality, the thieves. That got me more than the heart stuff.

I then found that hair competition for the clip ins, and ive always wanted it, and that pretty much kept me busy during this time! Im really sorry for being so irritating with regards to that, but when youre stuck in bed…

At the end Loedi and I just realised that the devil will try his hand at everything to come between the love of Christ and our Love for Him. Yes we lost a a baby, but atleast I am clean now, and the next attempt wont put my life or Storms’ life in danger next time around. I also fell more in love with Loedi than ever. The electricity situation forced us to laugh, play and hang together as a family with no TV or cell phones. I also rested properly.

God always knows better.

And for I Know His plan is to have us prosper and not be harmed.