Still Faithing on....
R1250 on home
pregnancy tests, R1000 on quantitive blood tests (fancy word for pregnancy
tests), R20 000 on gynaecologist appointments and services (including
discount and excluding theatre and anaesthesia which medical aid pays 100%), R1000
on medication, 8kg of emotional weight gain, double dozes of anti-depressants, 1
million prayers, 1 million “im so sorry’s”, 18 months, two miscarriages, 32
negative results…and im still waiting for a miracle…That is what ive been up to
since the last time ive written anything on the subject.
It’s been hard.
Ive really tried focussing hard on things like my studies- finally finishing my
degree- and small little challenges like impulsively entering the 94.7 again
two days before the race and 2 weeks after I lost the twin embrios. I also have
been spending time supporting one of my best friends Mandy, with her cancer
journey. I must say, I drew a lot of strength from her. She was given 6 months
when I met her end 2012, and she’s still here almost a year and a half later,
enduring 7 different hells of pain.
Although ive
gained weight and lost and gained and lost again, ive discovered bootcamp at
virgin active little falls, and the instructor is amazing. I spin with her too.
I haven’t ever spoken to her, but she’s really always played a key part when I had
to recover from surgery (s) and when I was just down and ready to give up. She’s
just this ball of life. Never stops. One day I’ll sit her down (if that’s even
possible), and find out her story. Funny that, I have so many “celeb” friends,
so being shy is not the problem- I just have this huge admiration for her and
her perfect body that I wouldn’t know what to talk about without sounding gayJ
Ive also been
chatting to God a lot and His purpose for all of this. I must say- I haven’t been
cross with Him, as many expected would happen. It’s made me be more interested
in my Calling and purpose that He has laid out for me. Are we supposed to
adopt? Why amidst all of this pain, anxiety and tests of faithfulness, have I been
getting these signs. Repeatedly. Are we just seriously not ready for another
baby? Am I supposed to draw even closer to God first and stop obsessing?
The most
important thing I have learned is the fact that I have a lot of girl friends to
pray for. Friends who can’t even have one baby. I need to pray life into their
wombs, money for (worst case scenario) IVF treatments, world class doctors, and
hearts that are open to adoption. I’ve done so much research on the adoption
subject- and even though all private agencies have closed waiting lists for
white adoptions (because abortions have taken over and fertility increased to
an all-time high) - there are still millions of black little babies desperately
needing homes. You are allowed to ask for a healthy black baby too if that is an
issue! I can’t imagine making such a big difference in one child’s life. A
child who otherwise would have had nothing.
Why these
prayers? Because I know how it hurts, and at least I’ve got one child- so
multiply my pain by two!
So now, here I am,
telling you why you’ve seen me up and down fuelled with faith on some days and
then some days crying out in anguish like David in the Bible. I felt the need
to share, because I’ve met some awesome people on Facebook throughout the years-
people who have sometimes given me more support than my real friends. This is
me. It’s been hard, but my husband has been incredible, my sister has helped So
much with Hunter and our parents have been praying.
“Die wyse man
bou sy huis op die rots…die reen val neer..en die huis op die rots staan vas..”
One thing
remains- Jesus. The centre of Hope, love and faith.
“Do not be
anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving
(HUNTER, FAMILY, FRIENDS, and the pregnancy of a friend that I really prayed for),
present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”. Phil 4:6-7.
Until we meet
again,
LEE
