Happy 18 month death anniversary.

18 month anniversary of the death of my old self.
It sounds so dramatic.
But it is.
Denial is not a river in Egypt.

Ive mentioned in my previous blogpost how being over weight has kept me from being happy.
Ive learned that Eating in its proper context isnt the problem- God gave us food for nourishment, strength and even celebration, but when pleasure becomes unrestrained theres a problem.

Ive come to realise that there are a lot of women who are sensitive to issues on weight- and that one has to be sensitive when attempting to talk about weight, because fact of the matter is, i do have friends who struggle with obesity.
That is the precise reason why i am putting myself out there. To show that i Know the struggle. Ive been there. But with prayer, consistency, and endurance ive beaten this thing.
And guess what- from next year April ill be able to assist you with doing the same. Ive prayed about this so much and thats the route im taking my Psychology experience. Ill be able to help you with good nutrition, life coaching and personal training in the comfort of your own home. In privacy.

Eph 1: 18 says " i pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you know the hope to which God has called you.."

Lysa Terkeurst writes in her book "Made to Crave" ,that we were made for more! More than this failure, more than this cycle...more than being ruled by our taste buds, body image, rationalizations ( Ill start Monday....if no one wants to date me because im fat then its not the right man for me any way)..and guilt. We were made for Victory. Sometimes we just have to find our way to the truth.

She goes on to say that God made us capable of craving so we would have an unquenchable desire for Him and Him alone. Nothing changes UNTIL WE MAKE THE CHOICE TO REDIRECT OUR MISGUIDED CRAVING TO THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF SATISFYING THEM.

Ive prayed a lot. And ive failed a lot. And i most definately have not been starving myself. Ive had excellent guidance and substitute snacks and meals.

Just begin by making the choice of Wanting to change. And Why.

A massive thanks to my gym, Virgin active red okavango and all the staff there, from assistants to the club manager herself. Also thanks to Chris who is always available for moral support. USN , your 12 week challenge was a huge contribution- thank you for the initiative. Then- Supplesports: your workout gear makes me want to gym more. All these things are worth mentioning 😙

USN CHALLENGE OVER

The USN 12 week challenge is over. The funny part is- its not really over for me. Its just the beginning. I think that's what the challenge as an entity had in mind when they developed the program too: you work so hard to transform yourself, that you don't want to fall into old habits ever again.

When i got into the last week of the challenge i had to start cutting down on calories even more, to see how far i could possibly push this vessel of mine. I got a taste of the Body building world. At one stage i was drinking 7 Litres of water a day, then 6, then 5...until i got to no water for 24 hours. I couldn't even sleep that night.

Being mentally prepared was key. And i was. I wont lie, there was a a day in the last week where my mind started playing tricks on me. I literally got tired of myself. Tired of measuring, tired of weighing, tired of measuring every calorie, tired of packing my lunch bag, tired of remembering to take my supplements...and mostly- tired of standing in front of the mirror and taking selfies. I had to. It keeps you motivated they say. It was quite comical: you dream of that perfect photo shoot on the day that you finish, that day arrives and you cancel. You just take the after photo and then pictures of your kids. You fantasize over all the food you've missed and want to consume, the night arrives and you still feel guilty and start planning your next trip to Grid class.

The worst part was when i started doubting my intentions for the challenge. My friends were doing and achieving AWESOME things, i was using time to make my body a better place to live in. I wanted to be a life coach damnit, i wanted to give testimony to people, i wanted to counsel, i wanted to preach, i wanted to make God proud, be Mrs South Africa even- yet i was just perfecting my outer shell.

Thank goodness i snapped out of that short lived bubble: My body was actually the only thing i Could control. What i ate, how i exercised, how goal focused i remained: it was in my hands. If i gave it my all, and i manage to Win, i could actually nr 1: testify to that and nr 2: actually use the winning money to study that course i've been going on about and nr 3: Get a USN sponsorship for a Year! ( I was lucky enough to win all the supplements i needed during the challenge...and now ill have to survive without them going forward). If i don't cut the top 10, then at least it will go down as that time when i transformed my entire life.USN girl for life.

With the help of Chris Coetzee, who made to 5 men last year in the same challenge, and also won Peoples choice- we kicked some serious butt. He coached me all the way from Johannesburg: what to eat, drink, and what to do in the gym when the guys from Virgin active Red Okavango weren't giving me Grid classes from hell. Martin and Joel- you guys are flipping amazing.

I went down 7kg and 5% body fat.

....go back to FACEBOOK now and tell me what you think...did you expect more? 

I did it the Healthy way. And this what you get. 

what did you do lee?! tell us the secret!

I am definitely not going to sugar coat this process.

If it were an easy process, wouldn’t everybody be walking around looking like a super model or fitness model?

Do you really want to tell me you would rather be over weight and unhealthy than beautifully build and able to walk into any store and try on any outfit and it actually fit?

I bet if you had to answer me truthfully you would say, “duh LeeAnne, who wouldn’t want to?”

So why is it not the case?

Because it isn’t easy. But it IS do able.

We have become so used to instant gratification that we try out all the easy options first, fail, try again, wait for the new miracle pill, fail. Name them, and ill even admit that most probably- I have tried it. For one entire week maybe. When I didn’t see results I would just quit. I would sometimes hang on a bit longer, depending how much money I had spent on the wonder pill. Moral of the story: I would run in circles, never achieving lasting results.

Thank goodness I loved challenges. I wonder where I would have been if I didn’t try out for example The Impi challenge or the 94.7 Cycle race...

The cold hard truth is : it cant save you. Nor will going to the gym and just screwing around, or taking a little run down the road. Its good for your well being, don’t get me wrong- but the fact of the matter is: diet is 80% and exercise 20% . When you Combine the two , that’s when you start seeing the results. The results you’ve been asking me about.

So there’s your answer: 1- accept that you need help, you’re fat damn it, your clothes don’t fit, your husband looks away when you ask him whether you’re fat and well; excuses wont make the fat magically disappear.

2- Go and see a dietician. They don’t cost as much as you think and most of the time you can claim back from medical aid (see recommended list at the end). If you belong to Discovery you get like 7500 points for going! By going, I actually discovered that I was insulin resistant. You may have an in active or over active thyroid or your cholesterol might be sky high.

3- See a personal trainer. I promise, not all of them will hound you afterwards if you only take 3 classes. I have a sport back ground, so Virgin active Red helped for me. They offer short, explosive classes all day and the staff on the ground are always willing to help. Make friends with them- it goes a long way. I got addicted to GRID. Its sounds intimidating at first- BUT IF YOU WANT TO LOOK GREAT BADLY ENOUGH, BEING INTIMIDATED IS THE WORST EXCUSE IVE EVER HEARD. Its fun, you sweat, you spend 45 minutes working towards a bigger picture! There’s a weight section, treadmills and spinning classes via simulators! And guess what? Its much cheaper than the bigger Virgin actives. I’ve got premier, so I can gym anywhere- and I still prefer Red.

4- Go the online route once you know your way around the gym. They work out your diet according to your Body Mass Index , and they give you options for training for example weight loss, muscle gain or both combined. I’ve had awesome support, and at the moment I am honoured and blessed enough to have one of my best friends, Chris Coetzee, a USN ambassador, coach me from Krugersdorp via phone calls, whatts apps and email. When you have an accountability partner, its so much easier. So, even if you can find a friend who has the same goals as you- it will help you So much when you start doubting yourself or slacking. At Virgin Active Red, Okavango, Ive also made an awesome connection with Martin, Joel, Anri and the gym manager, Karin. Joel would call me at home if I dont show up to class!

5- Many trainers will tell you to actually Not take supplements except whey...but you asked Me what I did/ am doing- and I want to be honest. I do take USN supplements and they work for me. Check out my video blog to understand it better- but what I can say is: cravings and energy levels dropping at mid day has always been a problem and Phedra cut as well as CLA has helped A lot. When you start this journey you wonder if you will be able to stay away from chocolate and sweets as well, but USN has a big range of low GI low carb protein bars. You cant eat them every single day, but when you do (up to 3 times a week as a meal replacement), they go down WELL. There are flavours like caramel, chocolate, lemon cheesecake, to name a few.

When using Phedra cut, just always read the labels to make sure you can handle the caffeine.

When you buy the 12 week challenge starter kit, you'll receive a booklet explaining everything: diet, training, how to measure your self and what supplements to use. If you’re curious now, you can check out the USN BODY MAKE OVER CHALLENGE website.

6- TAKE PICTURES!!! STAY OFF THE SCALE!!!(except when you're tracking yourself every 4 weeks) TAKE MEASUREMENTS!!!READ FITNESS MAGAZINE!!!FOLLOW RAD FITNESS GIRLS ON INSTAGRAM!!!

7- Never give up. I am half way through the 12 week challenge, and that was my goal to begin with- but who knows what my next goal is? Its not always easy avoiding the snooze button. Its not always easy packing 4 meals for the day (eating 6 times a day is the first thing you'll learn along this journey), its not always easy finishing a grid class, its not always easy finding Time in between work and kids, heck its not always easy finding two pieces of clothing to gym in- but if you've set a goal and you want it badly enough- ITS WORTH IT. You wouldn’t even know what reaction lies ahead when you've reached your goal. I am half way and my husband has fallen in love with me all over again- not just because of how I look, but because he can damn well see how hard it is. How I sweat, how I say no to my favourite food (NOT FOREVER! ), and how iv' e got respect for myself and have taken responsibility for the consequences of bad food choices.

I will be elaborating more on the video blog:)

I am also starting a New adventure at the REPS MMA CROSSFIT EDWARD STREET. I want to see what its about. I am obviously intimidated, but more excited than anything else. I know it takes up a lot of energy, so with the 12 week challenge still under way, and my calorie intake being lower , I might not be able to make it through an entire day:)

Unfortunately I am not much closer to raising my R17 000 to do this type of coaching as a career, but as I ve said: Never give up, and don't think there's a miracle over-the-night-cure for dreams and wishes. Work for it, sacrifice, and if you're anything like me, PRAY. For you can do anything through Christ who strengthens you.

Contacts:

Johannesburg( Roodepoort):

Dietician: Trinette Raats: 082 831 6294

You can get Vitality points just by seeing her, as well as claim back

Durban (Amanzimtoti)

Dr Hugos rooms : 031 903 5040

His wife runs the clinic, Alta Hugo.

Diet clinic open on Tuesdays.

Online trainers:

Lairen Terblanche/Fitaliscious:

lairenterblanchewbffpro@gmail.com

USN

www.usn.co.za

CLICKS, Game, Dischem.

Juice revolution( for extra detox/helps with cravings too)

0825624525

Virgin Active Okavango:

0860082733

club manager: karin

Reps mma crossfit edward street

021 910 2570

All of me -2015 the year that was.

2015 ,where did you go?
I cant believe we have almost been living in Cape Town for a year!
Of course i will try to squeeze in my year in one blog post, Now, because in actual fact im supposed to be studying.
Here is part 4 that i never published:

"Part 4: JULY 2105- Things are not going too great.

Moving and unpacking went semi cool. It was a joint effort by us, the in-laws, their gardener, some guys and a truck from my work and Minki as the baby sitter. And rain. By the litres. (There had to be some obstacle in order to make the story fun). But we conquered.

The time had come to get into routine: 5 am wake up, gym, work, kids, study.

UH.

Storm wouldnt sleep, so I couldnt rest, so I couldnt get up at 5am , so I was too tired for gym, so I sat in traffic because I couldnt leave at 6am even if I missed gym already, so I used all my energy to drive the 200km plus per day and see 10 customers every day, and so I couldnt study because I wanted to sleep at 7pm. Vicious damn circle. The real concern, still to me, was Loedi. I so so badly wanted to break away with him. Just him and me. He was now touring with Bloodbrothers and Taxi violence. At night he had to practice with them too, or basically baby sit for me. I just did not have the energy to stay awake.

Then came the big news: I had to get a hysterectomy. Sooner the better, because once Storm crawls its game over.

Why? Well I had endometrioses and growths and my womb was also upside down since birth- so I had worse pain and periods than normal ladies. The fact that Hunter and Storm were born was a miracle in itself. The endometrioses would be cut out yearly, but they would come back. Also- there was no telling when these growths could potentially turn into cancer.

The operation was on Monday the 20th of July.

I remember waking up to the worst pain humanly possible. I was shaking and screaming for them to make it stop but all they could do was try to comfort me. I was hooked on to a morphine pump, that you operate yourself. You press a button and morphine gets released into your bloodstream via IV.
You could do that every 5 minutes if you wished.

So here I was pumping the crap out of it, with no real pain relief. It hurt like hell. I swear, if you die and go to hell, that is what you would wake up to.

Eventually, I think the pain got a bit better. I just remember it suddenly being 3 o clock, and Loedi was there and the kids. I couldnt speak because I was so groggy and my voice was hoarse. Then they were gone, and then it was 8am again. Food came and went and I didnt even touch it. I was actually starting to get agitated with myself because the lady next to me, Lynne, who I finally was able to speak to by late Tuesday night was playing cards with her awesome partner Vanessa, who never left her side once, and eating and getting up to shower. And I was there, unable to have any conversation, get up to shower or eat. Food nauseated me. I wanted Loedi, but I knew it would be useless- he was still building a brand new business. Time was money. And I was being a burden just lying there. I spoke to my Father the whole time and it was more than enough for me. Some of my friends kept on trying to visit me and I just said no- thats how hectic it was. But Elana (Afrika), Minki, Lawson- I wont forget how you tried.
The messages I got from everyone (consistently), just lit me up. People who I wasn't even close to ended up messaging me every day (Hestelize,Merlize, Jana- dankie).
That stay in hospital was the biggest learning school of my life.

So on Wednesday morning early, things took a turn for the worst. They took out the morphine IV.
I started withdrawing almost instantly. No longer did the pain on my womb matter- it was the headaches. And the vomiting. I curtained myself off from the rest of the ward (we were 4 girls), and made my space dark. For the rest of the day I just silently sobbed in pain. They couldnt do Anything. Poor Lynne and Vanessa would even call the nurses for me when I couldnt even gather the strength to call. Vanessa gave me Vitamin water which went in and out almost at the same time. Food still came and left untouched. I wanted to die. That was all. Was it so hard to understand?

On Thursday morning I told my gynae that I couldnt leave. He insisted it would be better at home. The kids would have to see me that way.

I did go home at around 11am, and got into bed. The headaches only stopped on Friday morning. Idonette, Minki,Merlize and Karen came during the day, and I remember it being so nice to see their faces.Merlize brought me a hair treatment instead of flowers. So thoughtful.

By Saturday I could eat good and proper without throwing it all up again. My In laws had come over to make a roast.

I was also back to getting up 5 times at night for Storm. Nothing had changed much- except I knew who was important in my life.

I had six weeks of recovery ahead of me. I would write, study and spend time being a good wife.

Nothing worked out that way."


I wasnt even out of hospital for 3 weeks when Storm became very ill. I ended up sleeping next to her on a stretcher in Cape gate medi clinic for 4 days. We really really bonded. Seeing her like that broke my heart.
The staff however, blew me away. The food was amazing too. So it wasnt all that bad, really. Atleast my baby was being treated by the best. 24/7. Minki, once again brought me cake and idonette brought us a walking ring so i could push Stormie around the ward. Of course my in laws also visited with lots of love and support. Small things you know.

When she came out, Loedi refused that she go back to school, because the Adenda virus which she was diagnosed with, was a very contagious nursery school virus. I basically spent the last of my 3 weeks at home tending to myself and to her. I was more tired when i got back to work as before the operation.

Then the studying started- which in turn, turned Hunter into a rebel. Loedi and i were also fighting every day. Something i wasnt used to. Being so tired, so involved with the kids and my degree was starting to show in our marriage. It got so bad that we went to see my mentor/tutor/psychologist who was helping me get through my degree. She helped us put our relationship into perspective. What we also discovered by ourselves , was the fact that we hadnt been including God in our marriage for a while. We were not praying TOGETHER anymore. We were attempting life seperately- but not deliberately. I would be so tired at night, that i would still pass out at 7pm. I would still try to leave home at 5am. He would cook, and i would clean up the kids. I would be in my car all day and arrive home irritable. There was no time for being romantic or loving towards each other. I was getting irritated with his company not growing as fast as we had hoped. I felt as though i was the only one stressing, not knowing at the time, how it was knawing away at his insides.
But we took the first step and started mending our marriage. We set up goals, we made sacrifices, we came to agreements. We opened the door for God to come into our marriage again. And today we are stronger than ever. Really.

October came and exams as well. I wasnt happy with my results, so im writing again next week. This time ill get a distinction, not that i even know what went wrong first time round.

I was really really missing my Oumie in Johannesburg as well- after seeing her every month and her being one of my best friends growing up, not having that type of relationship after that dreadful day in July almost two years ago, still hadnt really sunk in. Independent, fun Oumie, left in the hands of nurses now. Oupie had been gone almost 4 years now, and i was still dreaming about them both in a perfect setting, only waking up sobbing. The good thing that came with Cape Town however was Ouma Anne. My moms mom. She retired when i was already in high school. I never really bonded with her growing up, and they moved to Cape Town when i was 15. Oupa died 3 years ago and my cousin whom she Adored, just before. So here i was in Cape Town, with this perfect opportunity to reconnect. And boy did we reconnect. I actually feel so unbelievably blessed: she connect with the kids, she connects with Loedi. We have meaningful conversations. I once again realised how life can be so un predictable sometimes- win some ,lose some.

Stormie ended up in hospital again too. Once again, we survived.

It was in this time that i started soul searching with regards to my future. I had stopped drinking completely after a incident that left me question who the flip i was, and i had started excersising, once again, like many times before,like a demon- vowing it to be for good forever. I just couldnt fail myself ever again.
My ambition to help others started growing. God spoke to me so clearly.

I signed up for SAYES , a mentoring program where you volunteer to help a youth in a childrens home become independent before leaving the home eventually. Helping them reach their full potential.

My heart wanted to do Iron man so badly. I even organised a new bicycle, a coach- you name it, but the Still voice inside of me said Not now. I cancelled everything.

Then i started having dreams about being a life coach, with seminars, workshops, books, testimonies. Clear visions. His still voice.

I found the perfect course, and for once i really really understood the student protests of wanting Free education.
I was fortunate enough to have always studied with a student loan through my company and i never really felt it come off my salary because ive been studying forever- but Now, now i had to cough up R17 000 for the life coach "4- certificate" qualification to open up my own coaching practice.
The protesting students must be feeling the same. All the passion and willingness...but no way to afford it right now.

So ive given this to God now. There are 6 opportunities to do it this year- and God will come through at the very right time. I will help the millions of women and men who, like me, have dealt with yo yo dieting, emotional eating, procrastination,depression, anger...relationship issues with partners and friends as well as family. If God put me through marital issues last year just to learn what ive learnt, so that i can apply it into practice, i would gladly smile and thank Him. Lets be humorous and thank him that i was fat too. He works in such mysterious ways I tell you!

Meanwhile ill do my very best in the last two modules seperating me and my Psych Hons degree. Ive also added Sport Psychology. I want to get nutrition savvy next, and luckilly ive been learning a Lot about excercising from my different gym instructors that have become such good friends of mine.
I know how flippen hard it is to achieve fitness goals, no Really, and while this 12 week challenge has been going on for almost 3 weeks now, and its already changed my life in more ways than i can explain, ive tried getting fit and fab before, but without any clear goals. Now, i have goals and Mentally im stronger and happier. Physically im faster...and well thinner.

Im so excited and i cant wait to help the world!

Faith, Hope, Love,
xxx
Lee

#I would love to know how long it took you to read this post and if youve enjoyed it in my world:) Please comment back on the facebook page underneath the post:)
Im going to try pursuade loedi to help me with a vlog to document the fitness journey as i enter week 4. Chat soon.

xx

Crazy van Renens part 3.

Part 3: Lets move.

I had every intention of writing part 3 and part 4 a month ago already...but then life threw me this amazing curve ball.

I will get back to that soon, but let me get back to the day we moved.

One of my dearest, bravest friends, Mandy, had the job to fetch the kids and I and take us to the airport. At 5 am. It was probably one of the top 5 most emotional moments of my life. Everything was slow motion: it was dark, misty...and I was walking towards the gate of our first house that we had ever bought...my dream home...for the very last time. I remember the gate opening and closing, I remember getting into the Jeep. I remember trying So hard not to cry. I remember telling myself over and over that this was what I, we, wanted. I remember walking up to the check in counter praying to God they would let us on the plane with 8 bags-those big plastic zip type, PEP bags- plus a pram and baby seat. I am convinced they gave us one look and just let it slide.

When we got to Cape Town International, I had a huge fight with security who wouldn’t help me get my stuff off the conveyor belt- but even worse, wouldn’t let me just give the kids to my in laws so I could use both my arms and hands to gather all our stuff. Right there I broke down. It was too much. I threw a scene- I imagine the type of scene Charlise Theron threw when she was discovered.

Once, safely in Melkbos, I got into bed and slept the rest of the day. We made it.

Things are a bit of a blur from then on. Loedi arrived sometime during that week, I met my team at work- learned that they were the A team in the country and that they didn’t accept second place. That already freaked me out- I was not used to that. I was moved around so many times in Johannesburg – and here these guys were together for like more than a decade, wanting to be crowned in September, making it official. My boss was absolutely amazing too. I learned from her very quickly.

Hunter had a school and Storm a day mother. I had a gym to go to in every town that I would work in. Also- we had a few churches to choose from and all my best friends stayed here. Perfect? No.

The sun came up at 7 30 am and set at 5 30 pm. I was completely thrown with this. My calls were about 45km from Melkbos into peak traffic. And suddenly- Storm would wake every two hours instead of the usual 4 hours.

I started leaving the house at 5am so that I could gym in either Kenilworth, Constantia or Steenberg before traffic. That lasted a week, because come 1pm- all I wanted to do was sleep. My diet went out the door ,because I became so down that I just comfort ate as I went along. Loedi started irritating me and I started irritating him, because he was trying to get a business off the ground and had band obligations, while I nagged that I needed him. Then my boss announced she was immigrating. Then I realised that even though my best friends were in Cape town- they could might as well been living in Durban because everyone was just too busy (me included), and as I mentioned the sun came up late, set early and Storm wasn't sleeping, so I would count the seconds until 7pm and then get into bed so I could sleep while Loedi watches/listens out for Storm until 11pm if he could even manage. And the big fat cherry on the top: the traffic. This traffic is unlike anything you've ever seen. It can literally cause you to break down and cry...its ruthless...heartless. You had to leave at 5:30am, or rather wait until 9am. Afternoons: 3pm or 7pm. Maybe.

Yes, we had the mountain, we had the sea ,we had the view- but Loedi and I didn’t have each other, we didn’t have peace, we couldn’t get up on Sundays to go to church, 25km away, and we didn’t have our own place.

But suddenly things were looking up when my boss told us that her parents were moving and that they had a town house in a secure estate, close to everything. We had a look that same day and the place spoke to us immediately. We somehow gathered a deposit and first month rent, and signed the papers.

Next I had to find a school for the kids. I had become so spoiled in Roodekrans, with Denise / Klapperhandjies being right across the road from us- and it not only being a school, but I believe, a friendship. I will never really be able to thank Denise and her staff for all they did.

But yes, we were here in Cape Town now and needed new schools.

I Googled, as I always do- and found a farm school called Clever Cats- and I just Knew that that was the place where Hunter had to go. After calling and making an appointment, it was also established that not only was there space for Hunter, but also for Storm at the baby school, apparently 7/8km away from Clever Cats.

I met the GM at this baby school and I was happy. She then said that I should follow her to Clever cats. I followed her, and as we drove I noticed that we were in the street of our future home. Suddenly we passed our home and then she stopped and turned right. In front of me I read : CLEVER CATS.

It couldn't be.

I jumped out of my car and shouted at her: “DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?” She was very confused as I explained to her that never in a million years I imagined that I would find Hunter a school, once again outside our doorstep. Ive come to know the lady as Michelle now, and even though she's no Denise, Hunter loves her and her 5 year old daughter, Misha. The one time Michelle dropped Hunter off at home and before we knew it, Hunter and Misha proceeded with carrying Leon, our Dashy around- one with the head and the other with the backside. It was the funniest thing we had ever seen.

Soon, we were all packed and ready to move. Finally our things were moved from storage to Durbanville and our lives could be build from scratch.

But as you know: Nothing is Ever uncomplicated when it comes to the van Renens.

Crazy van Renens part 2.

Yes, it did most certainly not happen quite as smoothly as we had set it out in our minds.
Nr 1- We still had like a house to sell
Nr2- I didnt have a transfer yet- even though I had been stalking HR for months and it was  January. Time was money.
We just prayed. I cried. And then we prayed some more.

Somehow it wasnt a reality to me I suppose. Like move to Cape town. Really?!
Ive dreamt of it ever since I figured out we would never move to Durban, because there was no film industry.  Or ...sorry...but no music industry either.

But anyway, on the day of my 30th birthday everyone was welcomed with a massive For Sale sign outside the house. I guess thats how we broke the news.

And then two weeks later, end February- we accepted an offer. It was a miracle- surely from here on forward it would be smooth sailing.

As Rafiki would say : "No, wronnnng again!"

I needed a transfer!

The call came middle March- just after UIF finally paid me after 4 months of endless phone calls, queues and tears. Yes I cried a lot. It was really horrible. I envisioned staying in a one bedroomed apartment with my sister, 2 kids and 2 (naughty Scotties), while Loedi goes to Cape town without us.
Yes, 13 days before 7 April I got the call.
If I want a position that has just opened up for me, I had to start in 13 days.

Of course I said Yes.

Did we have a moving company? No.
Did we have storage?No
Did we have a school for the kids? No.
Is this really happening? Yes.

Looking back- I guess thats why UIF took such  a long time- God knew better. The money came in as a lump sum, exactly enough to cover the whole move. And let me add- the move  and storage quote in itself had God written all over it.

At this stage youre probably thinking "poor people". And at the time we really did feel super sorry for ourselves. "God, why us? We are good people."
I never thought I'd stoop as low as to question God's motives.
Fact is- we were getting it easy, really.
Our parents came through for us, praying for us, blessing us. My in laws opened their home to us for as long as we needed to stay. They started looking for schools, day mothers, even ballet classes for Hunter. And they interviewed them. They gave away their tortoise so that our dogs could take over the yard. O gosh all we had to do was pack up and leave.

So.

I cancelled my holiday to Durban, and Loedi went to Splashy fen, without me, again.. I was left to pack half of the house by myself, leaving the other half to Loedi for when he returned (coincidently on the day the kids and I would leave).

Storm wasnt sleeping well, but I was on maternity leave so it didnt really bother me. She would wake at 11pm, 3am and 5 30 am which wasnt too bad.

The real thing I was struggling with was letting go of oumie and my sister. I sat crying with oumie until I freaked out Hunter. It really must have gotten to her, because months later she saw me get upset one day and suddenly she said : "Please dont cry like that day when you said goodbye to oumie?"

Of course I was going to miss my friends, but they werent old and helpless. Also- I would see them just about as much as I currently was...

So I just soldiered on, packing our lives into boxes and bags- future unknown.

The kids and I were booked on the 8am one way flight to Cape town on 5 April...

Crazy van Renens . Part 1.

I find it quite shocking that I havent posted anything in nearly 10 months. Truth be told, theres so much happening all the time, that I keep on postponing it- but at the end of the day the story just gets longer.

Last week the pastor at our church said something that made me want to write all the more. He said that we must share our testimonies. Ive always done that, so why stop now? Because of Time? That sounds rather lame.
When we just moved to Capetown I also listened to a sermon called: What are you doing with the Promise God gave you?
Uh....

So here goes- 10 months in a nutshell spread over 4 days.

It all started with Loedi switching jobs in October last year- fully believing that he made the right choice-but being retrenched 3 months later. Yes- during the month Storm was born and that meant that I was already on a 30% salary cut. It took a lot of strength to not resent his employer and stay away from living in regret.

It got intense- we cut down on every unnecessary expense possible- DSTV, garden services- you name it.  The only place we never compromised on was blessing those in need. I remember this one day, where a friend asked me for money to buy her baby formula- and the amount she needed was exactly what I had left in my account, and I still gave it to her.Looking back, I believe these type of gestures saved us during that time. Because God sees everything.
Is this embarrassing to share? Ofcourse, but if I could encourage one person or family going through a difficult time right now , it would be worth it.

Luke 6:38
"give and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap, for with the measure you use it will be measured back to you"

And as more encouragement:
Matthew 6:31-32

"Do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'..."for your Father knows all these things"

As much as we prayed and sometimes just sat staring helplessly at each other, we put the house in the market. We would just move to Capetown and start over. Loedi will start his own company, his life long dream, i would get a transfer, we would stay with his parents temporarily and the kids would have an amazing future. We declared it over our lives. Crazy van Renen style.

Well.
It didnt go quite as smoothly.

(Tune in tomorrow for the crazy journey to cape town, our marriage test, sleep deprivation, living with the in laws, our support system and a whole lot more you thought you knew about us)

Be blessed,
Lee